Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
