good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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