she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
