I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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