I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
