your thong is hanging out like whoa
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
