I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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