I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You are a genius and a whore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
