Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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