That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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