I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
