At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
