Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
