The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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