The best revenge is premature balding
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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