LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
