mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
