my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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