just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
