Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
