Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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