Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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