why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am one with the molecules
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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