good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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