You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
