Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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