What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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