i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
