yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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