i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
