I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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