Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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