Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.

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(302): View more from Delaware

she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>

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(845): View more from New York

Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."

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(602): View more from Arizona

so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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(518): View more from New York

At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out

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(319): View more from Iowa

Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.

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(305): View more from Florida

So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?

(1-305): View more from Florida

Google chlamydia.

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