Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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