we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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