i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
