You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
