after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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