Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
