Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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