Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
