I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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