if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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