seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
