I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
