you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
