actually, I'm a sock model
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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