You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
