lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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