When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
