How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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