I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
