he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
