Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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