So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
