READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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