you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
