on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
