he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
should my penis look like a turkey
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
