What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
