im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're like the curious george of whores
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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