Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
