Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
