I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
