You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
